levels of thinking
https://youtube.com/watch?v=8UL-iATA1Nc&si=yjJY6FVQ6HSKUkSS
trauma response?
As someone who has survived so much traumatic situations all my life. My nervous system is always anxious, always on alert, looking and waiting for the next bad thing to happen. This is so draining. Not just mentally or emotionally. But physically and spiritually draining. Everything becomes a “I knew it was to good.” Another “finally there is the problem, the bad thing.” The mask of positivity becomes heavy. Like wearing a backpack full of bricks.
I think the worst part of this is I'm living my manifestations. The very things I prayed for and begged for I have. I'm driving my Tesla, I live in a house, I have a couple dollars in the bank. But still my stomach feels tight, my jaw constantly clenched. My nerves on alert for the next thing. I have such a hard time not doing this. Not feeling this way. Not letting the past and pain consume my thoughts or lead my actions and words.
You can know you're safe. Know you'll be safe no matter what happens. You could even feel safe at times. An still your body and mind will hold onto the past. Will try to tell you to remain in fear. Never do, you have to remind yourself you're not your thoughts. You're not your pain. You're not your past. You have to remind yourself everything happening is supposed to happen exactly as it's happening. Know that what's for you can not and will not pass you by. The power that made the decision to let you be born into this world with the parents and life you had as a child. That very thing is guiding you exactly where you need to be and with who you need to be with or interact with.
There is no wrong decision. There is only choices, no matter what choice you make. It'll take you exactly where you need to be. Have faith in that, remind yourself of that. You don't need a sign, just know that the signs have already come and continue too. Just be aware.
life
Nothing actually falls apart. Nothing is happening to you that shouldn't happen to you. Life is a river, because time is a river. It flows, it's our universe, the Galaxy , all of it is like an ocean. Time is the water. Or lives live on the beach. The tide comes in and out. The things that occur in our lives are simply the product of time passing. Everything has meaning in the vastness of nothing. And nothing is everything.
Our choices are our own but they are also the results of time passing. The endlessness of consciousness.
What you think is happening to you is actually happening for you. Look at your life. The good the bad and ugly and notice how it all brought you here to this point in time. This very moment you read this. Our lives are the amalgamation of choices beyond our control. Your very birth was not your choice. So your existence is not your choice.
Enjoy the life you were born into no matter the circumstances. Make choices with faith and knowing that there are no wrong choices. No bad decision. Only time, only living. Knowing that you are here because God wanted you here. That you're existing and living the life God wants for you. Regardless of circumstances.
You're meant to be here. To simply exist.
the reward is the work not the goal
If your life feels stagnant or stuck. Like you feel trapped in a situation. I'm learning that means you're leaving the situation. It means you've entered the part of change that hurts the most. The part when you've gotten hurt and recognize it. Then you've cleaned it and it's preparing to heal. It's not healed, but it's healing. Because time is constant, there is no pause. No moment in life where nothing is happening.
It's like I always tell people about people. EVERYONE changes, and is constantly changing. Now you're either actively changing for the better. By being mindful of your thoughts, actions, and words. Or you're passively getting worse, by allowing the current algorithm your brain runs on to continue to control you. Change takes effort…even think about your body healing. You have to provide your body with the nutrients, sleep, none touch or activities to the part damaged for it to heal. So your lack of action is action.
There is no pause in life. Time is an ocean, it's push and pull endless. A beautiful thing without observation and with it. It exists with or without. Which is why the reward of life is life. The reward of anything is the thing in that very moment. So if you feel stagnant or stuck or like things aren't moving for you. Remember they are, with or without your observation. Time is functioning how it should and your reward is not the things you want or work for or towards. Your reward is the moments. Like right now your reward is not the knowledge and insight you just gained reading this. Your reward is the act/time you read this. Your reward is right now and the aftermath is the result of your reward.
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