Artist. Author. Creator & Philosopher.

8:04am-maybe I think subconsciously that I don't deserve love. I don't deserve a real love. Because it's like why would I want this girl or reach out to this girl and literally doesn't see a future with me. Literally said it out her own mouth. She doesn't want a house with me doesn't want to live with me doesn't see a future with me. But for some reason I reached out to her. Little girl(she's not a woman) doesn't even want to live alone or speak like an adult about issues. I'm letting it go for real I know I said it before and still reached out to her. But I just had to try again .. that's my 3rd try. I called left a message no reply, saw her in person and tried to talk she said no I emailed and no reply and now I called and left a message again. That's it, 3 times and nothing. Ok God is serious about letting her go. So that's what I'll do. 

3:47pm- it really does hurt to let her go. But she needs to heal, I need to keep building my life. Learn to let go and let God. As I'm becoming this new person. Learning myself and taking the steps to become the man I want to be. To become the person I feel I'm meant to be. It's time to grow. And growing hurts. Letting her go hurts. And I need to lie too myself. I need to tell myself whatever so I can move forward in peace and happiness. I don't want to go back to being a angry person. It's bad enough I've been faking my smile. Acting happy even though on the inside I feel empty and sad. 

4:09pm- this week has been decent. i been trying to be more active. Trying to be better. I gotta get my body how I want it to be. 

7:45pm- everything is going to be ok. I have to grieve the lost of my old life. The lost of the woman I love. But I can celebrate securing my mom, my baby blessings, my health and how my life is slowly advancing and getting better. Big moves coming. 2025 I'm really get back into my writing. Get this rug making going as well. We'll wake up soon and find out who is the president.