one day
8:24pm- anyone who knows me knows I've always loved being a dad. I've always wanted my own family. Live in a bubble with me and my family. A wife and kids to come home too. I've always thought that's the goal in life. Buy a house so we have a stable place to live and drive a nice car. Family vacations, awesome sex, laughs arguments, playing around... I've always wanted my own family... One day I pray.
9:28pm- I always tell my sister, you can be afraid. It's ok to be scared, but you're not allowed to be scared and do nothing. I'm so scared of the future, scared of what is going to happen. 
but I truly believe with all my heart. God is watching over me. God is in control of my life. All I can do is keep pushing forward. I think I'm going to go back to college and get my bachelor's in cyber security. But I wanna give a year to writing and YouTube. I wanna hit that 1,000+ subscriber mark. And publish my books, write a movie script or two. Then focus on college. I'm 36 I'll stay at the post office until 40. Then I wanna get a job in cyber security making 80k-$100k. That's still my goal, to make $100,000 a year after taxes by myself. If I'm married it won't matter what my wife makes. I'm be able to support us financially and she'll support me and the family mentally and emotionally. But I'll need a good woman who understands her role.
but I truly believe with all my heart. God is watching over me. God is in control of my life. All I can do is keep pushing forward. I think I'm going to go back to college and get my bachelor's in cyber security. But I wanna give a year to writing and YouTube. I wanna hit that 1,000+ subscriber mark. And publish my books, write a movie script or two. Then focus on college. I'm 36 I'll stay at the post office until 40. Then I wanna get a job in cyber security making 80k-$100k. That's still my goal, to make $100,000 a year after taxes by myself. If I'm married it won't matter what my wife makes. I'm be able to support us financially and she'll support me and the family mentally and emotionally. But I'll need a good woman who understands her role. 6:09am- God is good. I'm pray and get the day started. Today will be a good day. I'm ready y'all, ready for change and growth. God is changing my life and I'm ready for it. I'm allowing it, and I have faith that on the other side. Everything will be better than it is now.
10:02am- today has been a good day for real. I got a nice hug, fuck I been needing some physical touch.
i was looking at photos of mail today. Of us together... I still get that feeling in my heart when I see her. I still want her, but I accept that I can't have her. That she has healing to do and she doesn't want me... I did make a video this morning, I'm going to edit it and drop that today. I'm going home now to make another video and edit this one. Gotta meet the people at noon today. Then my day is free, go home and cook dinner.
2:38pm- God is GOOD. I'm doing laundry now, but man what a day. What a good fucking day.
3:20pm- this is all I've done since I broke up with that girl. 
I Just been working on me. Getting me right and ready. It don't matter who I tell. Everyone is like nah you did the right thing. She don't wanna buy a house or live with you and she don't see a future with you. Nah you did good letting her go. An all I can think is. But I want her to want those things with me. She's so stupid, ugh whatever. I'll get over it. I'm go home and edit this video then upload and cook dinner.
I Just been working on me. Getting me right and ready. It don't matter who I tell. Everyone is like nah you did the right thing. She don't wanna buy a house or live with you and she don't see a future with you. Nah you did good letting her go. An all I can think is. But I want her to want those things with me. She's so stupid, ugh whatever. I'll get over it. I'm go home and edit this video then upload and cook dinner.4:38pm- clerk sent me this 
and it made me feel good. Cause I really am, I'm buy drinking, not smoking, I been celibate. I'm just slowly working through my emotions to get over this woman. Because I genuinely love mail. I really wanted to marry her and build my life with her. But hey, God says no so it's no. I'm scared and hurt but I know God got me.
and it made me feel good. Cause I really am, I'm buy drinking, not smoking, I been celibate. I'm just slowly working through my emotions to get over this woman. Because I genuinely love mail. I really wanted to marry her and build my life with her. But hey, God says no so it's no. I'm scared and hurt but I know God got me. 6:20pm- damn I miss that girl... Dinner about done and video is getting up loaded. God is good, life is good. I'm happy with how my life is going. I'm about to shower and watch Dan da Dan before bed.
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