won't he do it!!!
6:06am- I feel it'll be a long day. But I'm grateful, God is good. I want the money and I want the distraction. When I get off today I'm going to do more moving. I'm ready to wake up in my house. To start really customizing my home. An I think I will have to change the boys school. I don't have anyone out here to rely on. I'm not going to put that pressure on 23. On anyone honestly. It's just me and my boys and that's how it is for us. It would be nice to have a woman who wanted to help me. Wanted to be with me and around me. Wanted to make my life a little easier. An it's God will that I do this thing alone. Such is my story, such is my life.
6:52am- it still hurts that she really just jumped on some new dick. And worst she down graded... Like did I really make her feel that bad? Made her feel that inadequate? An instead of being better she decided to stay the same and simply dumb down the type of men she deals with... Like whatever... I really did fucking love her, I was totally ready to settle for her. I would've settled and been ok.
9:00am- I have such a odd heart racing feeling today. I wrote up my holiday cards. I'm trying to decide if I want to mail them off today or wait for next week Monday. So they arrive closer to Xmas. I'm not sure yet... Also I was thinking if I want to come home today and break down the bed frames. I could do that today after work. An we sleep on just the mattress. Tomorrow I'll call the school and find out what's going on with that. Hopefully the boys don't have to change until next year. That's what I'm praying for, but Allah knows best. An my life is in his complete control. Because the last 2-3 months this hasn't been apart of my plan.
5:57pm-could've made it a even 8 hours but I'm tired and ready to go home. I'm break down my bedframe and move my desk as well. I might make a trip tonight.... I won't lie, these trips have been eating gas. I think I'm have to fill up this week. That'll be twice in one week.
8:50pm- I made two trips to drop off stuff. I'm so ready to move into my house. To actually have a home of my own. So much I want to do to my house. I still ain't pick colors to paint but I know I want to do that. I have to get wall paper for the base boards. Maria been trying to come over and see the house but our schedules don't align. An I feel like that's God. Everything is God, I'm not forcing nothing in my life anymore. Once I get in my house I think I'll be so much happier. Tomorrow after work I'm break down the bed frames. I need to forward my mail. Matter fact I'm going to do that tonight. I need to go to the DMV and change my address as well on my id. Print my fpl bill I got and go to the property appraiser. I feel good about my life. I feel like God really is in control. I just gotta go with the flow and above all else. Pray and listen to him. I wanna say I'm getting over her, but I don't know. I don't really think of her anymore and when I do I'm reminded she never liked me. That's why I was never the guy, why she found a new man so easily, why she didn't wanna grow and change with me, is why she didn't wanna fix things ever, why she disrespected me for Paul, why she never fixed me a plate, why she let her friend disrespect me. I man honestly when I think of her I think to myself why do I hate myself? Why would I want to be with someone like her. She's not nice to her mom, doesn't want to be a mother to her daughter, wants a kid from anyone. She fucks raw and doesn't take plan b and she drinks weekly and will only stop when she finds out she's pregnant. Like why would I want someone like that? Don't I deserve better? Don't I love me? Don't I deserve good things... Like bro be serious. We're physically attractive, women like me a lot. My phone is full of girls wanting to be my wife wanting to fuck me. We got money in the bank, we're smart, college educated, got own car, had our own apartment and just bought a house. This bitch is wack as fuck!!! Like for real. So yeah I been good honestly. Slowly forgiving myself for messing with someone beneath me.
9:58pm- boom mail is forwarded.
10:07pm- I'm going to bed, tomorrow I'm break down the frames. I gotta make those phone calls about the school. I don't want to rely on 23... I been praying God shows me what I should do. I pray he makes it clear eyes the best decision to make for my son's future and me.
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