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6:41am- I over slept….I had some dreams but can't figure out what they was about. I don't even remember how they made me feel. But I woke up feeling so isolated. Like God is protecting me from the world. Like I'm truly entering another life. Another form of existence. I feel as though my spiritual awakening is almost over. My ego death is complete and now I am the watcher of myself. I mean I've been able to identify my emotions and thoughts for a while. But now it's more pronounced. It's like boom, I see you Joseph. I hear you Joseph. An Everytime I go to make a move the divine stops it. God really is controlling my life. Controlling my moves. Keeping people away from me. I'm ready for my reward. My big reward. I mean I'm blessed beyond words and I thank God so much. But I want my big reward. My life long healthy fulfilling growth based relationship. A love so good it's an act of worship to the one true God.
7:43am- I feel odd. It's hard to pinpoint what I'm feeling. I'm not sad or hurt. I feel uneasy. Slightly thrown off from my normal. Maybe it's because I'm not at work as I usually would be. I'm try to get a bunch of things done today.
11:09am- ok my affirmations audio is complete and on my phone and looping. I'm hit ups, post office, office Depot. Then write my cards and mail those off for the month. I made some juice today as well. An I'm cook a little later. The hot water people pushed back my appointment. So that's God's will. Because my life is controlled by God. Everything is going as it should. I should be done with everything by 2. Then I'm going to relax for the rest of the day and I'll start cooking when I get home and pick up the kids. God is good…also I gotta wait for this workout bike. I really do want it. I feel ready to ride daily. Get my heart ready. I feel like once I get it I'm going to be on it daily. It'll become my escape. To just ride away my emotions. To release that energy through bike riding listening to my affirmations. I've already quantum leaped. Now I need to get grounded in my new reality so my external can display my internal. My peace is here but my abundance is slowly coming into reality.
12:19pm- I'm done with everything that requires me to go outside. I'm write my monthly cards soon. I want to relax a bit. I feel my sexual energy and thoughts trying to consume me. Lately I've had a hard time trying to transmute that energy into creative energy. Videos, writing, but I think blogging it will help transfer it to another part of my body.
3:25pm- so I had a great productive morning. Then the afternoon came and I totally sat down and got lazy for a few hours. Got up around 2:30-45 to be productive again. Started making my coffee for the week. Then the lady asked me to get finger printed again and I drove over here to find out it's appointments only. So I'm going to have to make it for next week. After court…but today I felt bored. I felt a bit discouraged. Almost defeated…I genuinely feel isolated from everybody. But it feels peaceful. It feels like God is protecting me from others and myself. I want a hug. To embrace another human with compassion. With the l tenderness and love. My desire for romance resurfaced today. Its not as bad as it was. But I feel it there. The desire for my own person to distract me from my life. To distract me from the things I know I need to do. Like fix my house and organize it. Finish organizing the living room, organize the kitchen, organize my office, really budget my money, make my meals for the week, get my work snacks, write my books, exercise, meditate, work on my YouTube videos. But also I need to relax…I need to rest. I need to take time to just be. To just exist. To do nothing. To celebrate how far I've come. How much I have. I think I'm going to find where they play live music. Start taking myself out. Sit and enjoy live music for a bit. I know I'm not gonna drink alcohol. I don't wanna do that.
4:30pm- 4 months of Celibacy by choice…I'm really proud of myself. This journey of growth has been so hard. So hurtful…but seriously want different. I need something different. I'm so tired of people coming and going. Of pouring into people who don't pour back into me. I'm so tired of getting hurt. Constantly doing for others and being let down. Giving, giving, giving and never getting in return what I need and desire. I'm protecting my energy, protecting my peace. I pray God is preparing my wife for me. I pray she comes soon. I feel ready to love with my whole heart and soul. I feel ready for fulfilling lifelong growing relationship. One that will be an act of worship to the one true living God.
7:01pm- boy oh boy…so my hot water heater has a faulty power board which is why it tripped off. And they didn't install it up to code. So now I got two problems. Well 3 really. Uninstall return the water heater and buy the pressurize system to add to it and swap the water heater. Ok yeah I need a moment to catch my breath. I got a lot going on.
8:10pm- ok got a win. I can keep the broken workout bike. Which I'm open and try to fix. And they shipping me a new one. Which is cool. Now we got hot water for now. But no telling when it'll go back out. So Sunday I'm thinking of taking it back to home Depot to get a replacement. An my home owner insurance is going up from $2400 to $3400 next year. Which will jack my mortgage up to $3000 a month. Which is exactly what I'm paying right now. But instead of the extra money going towards paying off my mortgage faster. It'll be going towards my home owner insurance. So I need to increase my income pretty soon. I'm not living check to check. But I'm slowly approaching it…I at least did my food stamps renewal. I'm still waiting to see how much I can get back on my taxes. But overall. God is good. I'm about to go to bed. Today was a day.
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