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7:11am- I fell asleep around midnight. I was up watching TV talking to Tanvi. But fuck hell I couldn't shake the thought of her. Some of the conversations I have with Tanvi I wanna have with E. It's such a odd thing. Before we got together I knew I wanted her but I didn't think about her like that. She crossed my mind occasionally and I would move on. But now that I've been with her and I know how she CAN be. If she tried…is like I want that. I realized last night that I'm still in love with her potential. That's why I know I couldn't and wouldn't be with her if she was still the same. I don't want that broken hurt girl. I want the E that is vulnerable, acts like a woman, opens up, tries to please me. Because when she acted like that. OMG I was ready to pull the moon out the sky for her. But whatever, I had crazy dreams last night. I don't remember any of them but I know I dreamt. The images was odd, the feelings was blank though. Like I'm up now and don't really feel anything. So yeah, let's get this day started. Get things going.
8:30am- so far so good. Got my boys registered. And tomorrow I'm go down there to find out what school since the website not working. An school choice option is open right now so I'm research which school is good for Jophiel to go too. But yeah I'm get this done. Also that application I put in says I'm in selection. So they looking at my name for a possible interview. Man my life really is about to change drastically and I feel it. I'm so ready. Let go of the past let it die. All of the people I used to know and talk too. I'm done with that. Even Mesha, I'm leave her alone. Cause it's a one sided thing. Plus honestly I wanna focus on me more until E comes back. Or until I find my person. Same way I looked at Edith and felt she was for me. That's what I want to feel. That's how I'll know I found the one for me. God is doing something for me. I'm go hit the bank real quick then swing by this hairstylist spot to see about getting Jophiel hair done.
12:48pm- done with outside. I ran to Walmart to get some stuff, I'm grab a cup of kava it's been a month since I drank some. Then go home and make chicken wings, rice, and bake beans for lunch and dinner…I'm listening to the radio about massages and thought of E. She used to love when I rub her back and feet. Massage her scalp….I miss that girl. Miss making her feel good. I miss pouring into someone. That's my thing. That's what turns me on. Making someone else feel good.
12:57- saw a little girl with her bluey bubble mic and thought of Emani. That's another reason I stop drinking and smoking. I wanna have a baby. Next woman I'm with God willing she'll be my wife and we'll have a baby. I learned that the health of sperm is everything. The health of the man. God I wanted to marry E. I wanted to have a baby with her. We should be together 😭😭😭
3:52pm- damn boy walking around crying and making noise because his teeth hurt. He don't listen. I been telling him stop eating candy but he kept doing it. Well now he in pain. Nothing I can do. His dentist appointment is in two weeks. He gotta wait. On another note that damn food I cooked the was GOOD!!!
8:52pm- I been absolutely tripping with my spending. I went over my budget today and fuck I been bugging. I gotta cut back my spending heavy. I been tripping like I'm just made of money thank God I got my investments and money making me money. But I been spending way to much and building debt way to fast. It's time to chill out for a few months. Thank God I'm single. I gotta get back to doing my art. Busying myself. I gotta clear my debt for when my wife comes. I wanna buy her a nice big diamond ring have the money to take her on dates weekly and her monthly gift.
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