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7:49am- I have no idea what's going on with me. The last couple days I been feeling emotional and tired and just overall annoyed. But things are going good in my life. Like seriously going good. But still yet I'm not happy, I feel this uneasiness, this sense of annoyance. Not that I'm missing something but more like I want something. You know that feeling you get when you want something specific to eat but know you'll have to settle for something else. That's the feeling I've been getting. I need to put together the kids dresser, the desk chair, donate these cloths, sell this stuff I have, and organize the kitchen. I think I been in a funk.
8:42am- so boom Jojo starts school tomorrow and now I'm waiting for the call for Jophiel to start. An just like that we are living our new life. I think Twitter has been adding to my funk. So I gotta stay off Twitter and stay off YouTube. Basically I gotta stop consuming. It's not helping me, it's been putting me in my emotions and having me thinking shit. One thing I can say, I feel good that my past has burned away. 23 is gone and I literally never have to talk to her again and I'm not going to. 20 stop calling and saying nothing. Which again is great never going to talk to her again either. I also decided to let mesha go. If she calls I'm not going to answer her. Because honestly she doesn't pour into me. An I'm more her friend than she is mine. So yeah I'm let her go as well. I just want better people in my life. I want people who pour into me. As of right now the only people I feel loved, Cherished and poured into by is Tanvi and Mer.
9:05am- fucking hell i make too much money. Ugh 😭😭😭
9:47am- I'm glad I don't have her number. I'd have texted her everyday. I love that girl still. Which is annoying. I hope she continues healing and God sends her back to me. Or send me my person. Cause I'm ready, at least I feel ready. I think I'm ready. My life as of now is stable peaceful and I'm content. Once I can break this emotional mental hold. I'll be good, an it's just about doing it. Doing what needs to be done. Two major things coming to me that I'm looking out for. My food stamps application and my tax return.
4:49pm- there it is. Jophiel Startes Friday. Everyone is good to go. I hope my wife comes really soon. I'm so ready to share life with someone.
5:52pm- man my cooking is seriously getting better and better. That chicken was fire. I mean it was good. I thank God for everything I have. For everything I don't have. God is so good to me. I'm absolutely and utterly scared of what's happening in my life right now. But I'm moving in faith. I believe God is leading my life. Controlling my life. Pushing me towards a specific life. An I'm moving in that direction. No trying to control people, trying to control my life, trying to explain who I am and what I'm doing or about. I'm just going with what God is doing for me. But fuck I'm scared and fuck I want a wife to share this life with.
7:42pm- fuck I been spending like crazy. I gotta get my shit together. Get back focused and stay there for a while.
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