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6:36am- ok so I did some writing last night. About ten minutes nothing long or crazy. But I did it. An I remember dreaming about being in jail or prison. That was strange. I was basically locked up. I'm not sure why and I don't remember seeing anyone I know. I just know I was in prison. I was in jail. I'm about to get up and start this day.
9:05am- ok let's go to work and see how good God is. I'm slightly nervous but it's like nah bro. God been showing us he hears our prayers he understands us he knows whats best. All this work I've been doing on myself matters it's amounting to something. I'm being rewarded for it. All my prayers are being answered and have been answered. I have to sit in the belief and not let fear and doubt consume me. I move regardless but I don't want it to consume me. Just feel through it. It comes I recognize it and it goes away. That's what I want. Goes away not to return again for that specific thing. Because I will be secure in my knowing.
9:40am- the old you will do EVERYTHING it can to stay alive. To consume your thoughts and heart. It will whisper things to you, trying to make logic for why you should remain the same. But you gotta push past that. You gotta know that if you stay on the path of growth. The old you will die and the new you will become your ego. Everytime you transform your ego will come into the new you. It will fight to stay the old you but it will slowly let go of that old self and embrace the new self. But you have to fight the urge fight the thoughts of your old self. Nothing wants to die, nothing wants to stop existing. And you have to recognize that and stay strong. Stay the path. Sitting in the knowing that God is giving you strength to endure. He gave you strength to think to change, strength to recognize your old self, strength to begin and continue the changing process. God did that for you, but you must continue the process. You must fight your old self. Knowing that the new self is what God wants for you. That's why he gave you the thought the idea. Your reward comes when you have fully stepped into your new self. As you exit your old self you'll see changes around you. You'll feel changes inside you. You'll hear changes in your mind. Those are your rewards the physical world will begin to shift but that's a time consuming thing. That's a slow grind and you can't look to that for confirmation. Your confirmation is your mental, your emotional, your immediate reactions and how others observe and interact with you. That's how you know you really are changing and you really are on the right path. You really are doing it. Like I tell everyone. You're allowed to be afraid. A bunch of people in the Bible were afraid. You are not allowed to be afraid and run away or be afraid and do nothing. That is not God. That is not acceptable.
12:15pm- God is not like us. He keeps his promises. He will reward us with our hearts desire. We strive in his cause, push for his will. Pray to him. Do acts of worship and offerings to him and God will reward us. An he'll reward us with our hearts desire. But you have to have faith and stay there. When the doubt and fear creep up keep on your path. Keep focus and soon you'll see.
2:00pm- this shit is trash and my faith is weak. I gotta take a break for a while. Because what the fuck was the point of all this?
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